WORRY WORRY GO AWAY!!!

Tanner started fourth grade this week. I don’t know who was more worried of the two of us. Okay. Actually, I do know. Tanner was worried out of his mind. I was only a little cautious. I guess because depending on his teacher our school year could go either way. :0/ A couple years ago we had a teacher that took so much time with him and really talked to me about teaching him in alternative ways. I thought she was the biggest blessing God had ever bestowed upon me. Seriously. She made me feel comfortable talking to her about Tanner’s differences and never made me feel like one of “those mothers”. You know--the needy ones. LOL. This year seems to be okay. We have a sweet young teacher that Tanner thinks is so pretty. I have a feeling he'll be okay. As long as he's not too shy around her.

Last year was horrible. For a number of reasons. Tanner was nauseous the whole year. He was sent home from school for vomiting probably a dozen times. And came home miserable every afternoon. I took him to the doctor, had all kinds of expensive tests, and didn’t really feel like I made any progress. It’s nothing he can find other than he has severe reflux. This upsets his stomach but shouldn’t make him so nauseas. I personally think a lot of it is psychological. The stress and the smells of school make him sick. Since he was a little nauseous and only sick a couple times this summer, I figure it has to be something about being comfortable.

I love my doctor but I swear if he tells me “just love him” one more time, I’m going to slap him. LOL. It’s like he thinks because Tanner is a little different I exaggerate the problems we experience. Uh, no. I can’t exaggerate the school calling me with a kid that’s vomiting all over his desk at school. I go to this doctor because I believe he really does care for Tanner. He’s a Christian man who has children Tanner’s age and so he relates to Tanner very well. Tanner adores him so it feels impossible to leave him. When Tanner finally feels comfortable with someone it’s hard to change. That’s why we go to a dentist out of our network. Because Tanner nearly had a breakdown when I suggested a new dentist.

Tanner’s nausea is better. So far he’s been to school two days and hasn’t been sick. Woohoo. Progress. But still, I worry. I worry when he tells me he’s lonely and wishes he had a sibling. Or when he wishes he had a best friend. I worry when he has to ride the bus home because the noise overwhelms him. I worry about his feelings when he tells me a boy at school makes fun of his teeth (we’re getting ready for braces in the next few months, which I worry will be hard for him to deal with as much as he gags) I worry when they’re serving rice at lunch because Tanner has some kind of psychological problem with all things Asian and I’m afraid he’ll be sick. It’s so bizarre, I can’t even figure that one out. I worry that he doesn’t smile much. I worry. I worry. I worry. I wonder when I’ll be able to give the worry to God? When I’ll be able to let it go. I try. I really do. Or do I?

The fact is, Tanner is okay. He gets down sometimes, it seems to be in his disposition, but in all honesty, he’s okay. He’s not made fun of on a daily basis. He has lots of friends, which surprises me as stand offish as he can be. He’s smart and well behaved at school. Maybe because he’s deathly afraid of being in trouble, but still, he’s considered a sweet boy. He has a good heart. He knows right from wrong and I think he has good character.

So, his teeth are horrible. We can fix that. Maybe he’s a little socially awkward. We can work on that. He vomits a lot…okay, that’s a tough one. LOL. But really why do I worry so much? It’s not like it changes anything. I need to pray more about this. And study the Bible. I need to find peace and give Tanner back to God. I know these things and I’m working on it. Pray for me.